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Nightmare Bog Roll
I said I may and I have. I watched the Jack Davenport featuring horror movie, Talos the Mummy and have decided to try my hand a writing a movie review. Since there are spoilers, I'm going to shove it all under a cut.
There are three kinds of bad horror movies: the fun to sit there and snark at it bad, the so bad it'sbrilliant bad and there is the just plain bad horror movie. There are also, it seems, two types of Jack Davenport movies that I have come across: the ones where he doesn't get the girl and the ones where he gets horribly murdered (the poor guy). Talos of the Mummy falls into the later category of both.
The basic plot involves reincarnation, planetary alignment and the end of the world. Damned if I know how planetary alignment works now that Pluto has been designated something less than a planet. Seems planets are an arbitrary construct, but that's not he only questions raised by the plot. Others include:
Why is an American embassy official leading a British police investigation (and why is Jack Davenport's character taking this crap)?
And, if this guy was killed 3000 years ago, what it with the Christian analogies (cloven hoofs and crosses)?
Though I do give the plot kudos for having a non-traditional ending and a twist that I did not guess (though to be honest I didn't think the movie writers had it in them to put in a twist).
Windows solitaire has about the same quality of special effects, the bad guy spends most of the movie as killer toilet paper and the continuity is awful (namely Jack Davenport's disappearing and re-appearing head wound). Unfortunately, the film never manages to cross into the great-to-snark-at or so-bad-it's-good territory, because it really had potential for being entertaining in that way. Instead it's boring. I spent quite a bit of time staring out of the window at a Kingfisher rather than focusing on it.
Jack Davenport plays a cop. Or more specifically, the sidekick to the hero and spends most of his lines, from what I can make out, talking about the hero getting laid. The DVD sound quality was poor and I had to hike up the volume to make out what he was saying. He doesn't show up until the first half hour and his death isn't even cool. For the supposed leader of the police investigation he is also not in it enough, though though the movie has a rather loose idea of how police investigations should be run. However, He does manage to acquire a rather sexy head wound.
Really, you would be just as well off to look at screencaps
There are three kinds of bad horror movies: the fun to sit there and snark at it bad, the so bad it'sbrilliant bad and there is the just plain bad horror movie. There are also, it seems, two types of Jack Davenport movies that I have come across: the ones where he doesn't get the girl and the ones where he gets horribly murdered (the poor guy). Talos of the Mummy falls into the later category of both.
The basic plot involves reincarnation, planetary alignment and the end of the world. Damned if I know how planetary alignment works now that Pluto has been designated something less than a planet. Seems planets are an arbitrary construct, but that's not he only questions raised by the plot. Others include:
Why is an American embassy official leading a British police investigation (and why is Jack Davenport's character taking this crap)?
And, if this guy was killed 3000 years ago, what it with the Christian analogies (cloven hoofs and crosses)?
Though I do give the plot kudos for having a non-traditional ending and a twist that I did not guess (though to be honest I didn't think the movie writers had it in them to put in a twist).
Windows solitaire has about the same quality of special effects, the bad guy spends most of the movie as killer toilet paper and the continuity is awful (namely Jack Davenport's disappearing and re-appearing head wound). Unfortunately, the film never manages to cross into the great-to-snark-at or so-bad-it's-good territory, because it really had potential for being entertaining in that way. Instead it's boring. I spent quite a bit of time staring out of the window at a Kingfisher rather than focusing on it.
Jack Davenport plays a cop. Or more specifically, the sidekick to the hero and spends most of his lines, from what I can make out, talking about the hero getting laid. The DVD sound quality was poor and I had to hike up the volume to make out what he was saying. He doesn't show up until the first half hour and his death isn't even cool. For the supposed leader of the police investigation he is also not in it enough, though though the movie has a rather loose idea of how police investigations should be run. However, He does manage to acquire a rather sexy head wound.
Really, you would be just as well off to look at screencaps